Let me preface this all by saying, most of this post is from personal experience. I am a middle but I believe Little's as well as Caregivers caring for Little's of any age can learn from this and the general outline.
This is just a starting point.
Rules
Every set of rules is going to be different, simply because every Little and CG is different. There are a few important things to keep in mind when making your own set of rules.
#1 Rules are not meant to control and restrict.
#2 Rules are meant to guide and enrich.
#3 Rules can and should be modified as seen necessary.
We know everyone is different which means what I need to help myself grow and enrich is going to be different from anyone else. This is why communication during the making of rules is so important.
The following are rules that I personally use, below each rule is a short reason for why this rule is used. Most rules are meant to help me personally cope and be the best that I can be, with the help and encouragement of my CG. We both sat down and made these rules together.
No television until I have read for at least 30 minutes.
Reading is something I LOVE DOING. But when you are facing depression, it is difficult to keep doing the things that you love.
Daily Chores must be completed before going out
This one is a lenient one, if I am working that morning, obviously this isn't feasible.
Wake up by 9am on Weekdays & 10am on Weekends.
To us, waking up early means a longer, more fruitful and productive day
Must be showered & dressed by 11am
Once again depression factors into this rule. If I had my way I would be in my pajamas, in bed all day most days.
May only be on the computer or phone for 30mins after bedtime (reading is okay)
This is also a lenient rule we have, due to my position on this site. It is a rule because I do struggle with sleeping, taking away screens helps calm me down before a night of rest.
Must eat something before 5pm
Was originally "eat before 3pm" I am sorry to say that proved difficult to implement so it was modified to make it easier for me to accomplish.
No coffee after 8pm
Too much caffeine = bad night of sleep for me. Another modified rule, originally "No coffee after 5pm" psh yeah right
No energy drinks without permission
As you can probably tell, I have a caffeine problem. Honestly got so tired of waiting for the okay, that I have not had an energy drink in ages.
Monitored drinking (alcohol) & smoking
Both of these are mentally and physically related. For my health across the board.
Negative self thoughts & feelings should be directed to my CG.
I understand that many have rules stating "no negative talk/thoughts" and ideally this would be good enough. Realistically, one cannot hope to completely stop such thoughts and ignoring them is not effective. So my CG prefers that I talk to him about these things, so he can converse with me, soothe my feelings, help me think positively and help me change these things I dislike.
No online shopping without permission
hehe
No art projects requiring paint and/or glue without permission/supervision
hehehheehehehehehe
No phone or computer out during meals
Just a common courtesy thing.
Note that a few rules were amended. This is because rules are not meant to be broken however, those rules were broken an incredible amount of times. Rather than continue senseless punishment, amendment of those rules was made to help me.
Modify rules as much as needed and go over rules every now and again, some rules may be taken out and some may need to be added.
If you are having difficulty getting your Little to follow a rule, take a time out from the dynamic and talk about it as adults.
If you are having difficulty following your CG's rule, take a time out from the dynamic and talk about it as adults.
Rewards
Rewards are the best thing that comes with having rules!
Depending on if you are LDR or close, your form of Rewards or Reward System may differ.
Rewarding your Little & your CG is very important, that is right, you should reward your CG for taking care of you! It is not an easy job!
Rewards Systems
Choremonster & Mothershp ~ Easy to use Reward System, good for LDR and near by. Create daily & weekly tasks for rewards! Doing ‘x’ amount of chores or tasks unlocks ‘x’ reward!
Time Bank ~ For doing various chores and tasks your Little can collect “time”. The time can be used to stay up late, play games or watch television instead of doing chores!
Chore planner ~ Everyday is a new day with new tasks, have your Little write out goals and things to accomplish that day, reward at the end of the week or monthly! (I personally use this concept, helps me keep track of what needs to be done)
Sticker chart ~ You can take a calendar and everyday chores or tasks are completed add a cute sticker!! Then make a reward bank, x amount of stickers gets you x reward! You can cash in the stickers for smaller rewards or bank them for awhile for a super cool reward!
Rewards for Littles!
Special rabb.it movei night ~ Your Little had such a good week, let her/him pick out a movie for the two of you to watch together!
Amazon Wish List ~ Have your little make their very own wishlist, books, stuffies, movies, clothes, collars and so much more! Makes getting the perfect gift so much easier!
Special game night ~ If you have the same gaming console or maybe a fun game on your phone a night spent gaming together will be a good reward!
Send a Little Care Package ~ New stuffie sprayed with your perfume/cologne, coloring books/pencils, stickers, glitter, bath bombs,
ALL ABOUT LITTLE DAY ~ this is a HUGE reward. Plan a day the two of you have off and let your Little GO WILD. A few hours at the beach/zoo/toy store/build a bear, maybe a movie night out, or a movie night in the cool blanket fort you guys made! Maybe a tea party! The possibilities are endless and you are both sure to have TONS OF FUN!
Rewards for Cgs!
Send a CG Care Package ~ A bunch of drawings and colourings you made, pictures of you and your favorite stuffies, a stuffie sprayed with your perfume/cologne so they have something to cuddle!
Gaming Console Gift Cards! (Xbox, PlayStation, Steam, etc)
Buy your CG a subscription to something like Hulu, Netflix or Spotify, something you know they would enjoy!
Amazon Wish List ~ Have your Cg make their very own wishlist, books, video games, movies, clothes and so much more! Makes getting the perfect gift so much easier!
Make/Send your CG a homemade craft!
CG’s Movie Night ~ Let you CG pick out their favorite movie and enjoy it together!
Special Snacks ~ Make your CG their favourite snack to enjoy when they get home! Brownies! Cheesecake! Rice Krispie Treats!
ALL ABOUT CG DAY!! ~ this is your CG’s very own special day! Let your CG drag you all around town doing the things they want to do! Make you CG food! Tuck them in for a nap! Buy them the candy from the store!
Punishments
The worst part of having rules and the most difficult part of being a CG.
Once again, communicating during the creation of Punishments is vital.
Inform your Little why are you punishing them before starting any punishment.
Lack of communication can cause serious psychological damage.
Make sure you have a safety word if any punishment is going too far or getting uncomfortable. Abide by the safety word.
Note that not every broken rule is worthy of a punishment. Some broken rules simply need a stern, loving and guided conversation. You wouldn't punish someone for not eating, not taking medication or things of that nature. In certain cases like those, punishment may just make your Little afraid to talk you about things like that.
Examples of positive reinforcement.
Drinking coffee after the allowed time = No coffee tomorrow.
Using phone or computer during meal = No more phone or computer for the night
Not doing daily reading before television = No television for the night and/or next day
Doing "x" without permission = Loss of doing "x" for the week or month
Talking back (excessively) = Writing lines
Not doing daily chores (with the exception of certain unavoidable circ*mstances) = More chores tomorrow
Loss of an earned reward for excessive bad behaviour
Examples of negative reinforcement
Cut off communication
Not communicating with your significant other for no apparent reason is psychologically damaging. Even if you are beside yourself, unsure what to do, generally angry. You owe it to your significant other to send, at the very least "I am upset and would like to talk about this tomorrow"
Degradation, belittlement & name calling
Unless specifically given the okay for punishments.
Slapping, hitting, punching, spanking anything considered physical abuse
Unless specifically given the okay for punishments.
Taking away anything that violates consent. Such as; taking away bathroom rights, eating or socializing.
Unless specifically given the okay for punishments.
Manipulation. Such as; taking away collars or physical affection. Sentences that start with "You don't deserve ‘me’ ‘my love’ ‘any love’ etc….”
These are psychologically damaging, cruel and not okay unless specifically given the okay for punishment.
If you are having difficulty getting your Little to follow through with a punishment, take a time out from the dynamic and talk about it as adults.
If you are having difficulty following through with a punishment, take a time out from the dynamic and talk about it as adults.
